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What The Cocktail You Order Says About You!
Your cocktail says something about you.
For instance, ordering a martini says you appreciate the finer things in life, ordering a gin and tonic says you appreciate the simple things in life, and ordering a boilermaker says you appreciate knowing where your pants are. But mixed drinks go deeper than that, much deeper. When you sidle up to the bar and place your order, you open a window onto your very soul, revealing not only who you are, but also who you long to be. So know your cocktails and order with care, or you might send the wrong message.
Bellini
You have a tab at Olive Garden.
Bloody Mary
You enjoy music, long walks on the beach, and the occasional stabbing spree.
Cosmopolitan
You didn’t start drinking until after your first divorce, and didn’t start really enjoying it until after your second.
Fuzzy Navel
You’re comfortable with who you are, but you’re the only one.
Gimlet
Something about your personality makes otherwise normal people use words like “bounder” and “cad.”
Green Tea Martini
You believe in sustainable living, except for that time you backed over a baby seal in your Passat.
Harvey Wallbanger
You, or someone a lot like you, will inspire Alcoholics Anonymous to abandon the twelve-step program in favor of indiscriminate Tasing.
Jägerbomb
High school was the best six years of your life.
Kentucky Colonel
Your music collection includes a CD of jug band favorites.
Lime Rickey
You have no real love for the drink itself, but for reasons known only to yourself, you enjoy the suffering of limes.
Long Island Iced Tea
No matter how old you are, at some level, you’re still afraid your parents are going to catch you drinking.
Mai Tai
You’re attracted to exotic people and places, but not enough to get a passport.
Manhattan
You’re witty, sophisticated, and not at all jealous that the oafs pounding down Jell-O shots at the other end of the bar are getting all the best trim.
Margarita
All of your relationships have either begun or ended at a wet t-shirt contest.
Mimosa
There’s a song in your heart and diet pills in your purse.
Mint Julep
You own your own dueling pistols and aren’t afraid to use them.
Old Fashioned
Every significant event in your life has taken place on either a porch or a patio.
Orgasm
You consider yourself too classy to order a Blow Job, but not classy enough to order a Sex on the Beach.
Piña Colada
You’re 50% lady, 50% tramp, and 50% wig.
Raging Bull
You’re indestructible, and you’re going to prove it as soon as this kick-ass song is over, just wait.
Sidecar
No one is accusing you of anything, but you’ve buried a suspiciously large number of husbands.
Singapore Sling
You learned to drink from your mother.
Tequila Slammer
You’re down-to-earth. Usually face-down.
Tom Collins
You aspire to a life of quiet dignity, but will settle for a life of quiet desperation.
Zombie
No matter what people say, you’re getting along just fine without long-term memory.¸
Submitted by Helen K.
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