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Strange Actual Medical Notes
In The Notes
Totally off the record... A selection of choice writings taken from medical (and nursing!) notes!
-By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
-Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
-On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
-She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
-The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
-I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
-Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
-I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
-The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
-Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
-The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Ward to dispose of him.
-Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
-The patient refused an autopsy.
-The patient has no past history of suicides.
-The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
-Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
-Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
-The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
-She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
-The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
-The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.
-The patient is disabled with a wife from Portsmouth
-Uterus remains in place resting comfortably (after prolapse repair)
-Diagnosis: Claus-trophobia
-Comes to ED complaining of vaginal breathing.
-Patient arrived by avalanche
-Odor of alcohol on breast
-Patient stable all morning, in asystole
-Road Traffic Accident, back seat driver
-The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
-The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
-Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
-The skin was moist and dry.
-Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
-The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
-She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
-Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
-The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
-I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
-The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.
-Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.
-Patient was alert and unresponsive.
-When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
-The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
-Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
-Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
-She is numb from her toes down.
-Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
-While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
-The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
-The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
-Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
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