WACKY STUFF FOUND IN TAXI CABS
By NICK JEFFREYS
IF YOU'VE ever forgotten your baby in the backseat of a taxi cab, you're not alone. In addition to the occasional infant, a new survey reveals harried, stressed-out passengers leave behind purses, briefcases, laptop computers, artificial legs, dentures and thousands of other possessions.
What The Frick? -- a vehicle polling service -- asked nine million cabdrivers to list items left behind by their customers.
The professional motorists reported the top 10 objects most likely to be in their company's lost and found bin are:
1. Cell Phones
2. Snakes
3. Children
4. Dinosaur Bones
5. Priceless Works of Art (mostly Rembrandts)
6. Purses and Wallets
7. Breast Implants
8. Mothers-in-law
9. 72-Inch Plasma Screen TVs
10. Wedding Rings
The survey also found that each major city had its own unique list.
"My biggest problem is the dead bodies," Guido Concepcion, a 30-year veteran of the New York City yellow cab fleet, wrote in response to the survey questionnaire.
"I'm used to bloody corpses now, but the first one I found was a surprise. I was a rookie. One night after my shift I was cleaning out the usual debris -- gum wrappers, used condoms, pistols, knives, cocaine pipes, dropped bullets and grenades -- and I saw the guy sitting on the floor.
"There was lots of blood and flies because it was a hot day and half his head was blown off. I don't know how long he'd been there. No one complained. They probably didn't even notice him.
"Anyway, I pasted up a sign that clearly states: 'Do Not Leave Your Dead Body In The Backseat For Me To Clean Up Later. Thank You For Your Cooperation.' But I still get them, stabbed, shot, strangled. It's just so inconsiderate."
A Washington D.C., driver wrote that he was sick and tired of the cheap tips left by chintzy politicians.
"Those fat bastards get in my cab with their expensive suits and pricey palm pilots and then give me two quarters and say: 'Here ya go, buddy, don't spend it all in one place,' " said Salam Muhammed Akbar Salim Abdul, who's been on the job since immigrating from Afghanistan in 1982.
"They're such a#%holes. But I make up for their crappy gratuities with the envelopes marked: 'SECRET BRIBE MONEY' that I find. In fact, I recently bought my own Caribbean island."
Then there was the cabbie from Miami, Fla., who said it takes him more than an hour each night to clear out the stuff the senior citizens leave behind.
"The used adult diapers are disgusting," says Juan Gonzales. "Then you've got your dentures, artificial limbs, pills, insulin needles, walkers, canes, oxygen tanks, iron lungs and hospital gowns.
"It's just amazing what those old fogies forget."
Submitted by Pasadena Phil
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